everything hurts

Dear Browser, Surfer, Drifter, Malingerer or Someone Who Got Here on Purpose:

Welcome to billscheft.com, the official online headquarters for all shameless self-promotion of urban wit Bill Scheft, former longtime writer for David Letterman and author of five books, including his screamingly funny latest novel,

EXCITING NEWS!!!!! After 24 years writing topical jokes for Dave and original comedy material for celebrities (and this guy....)

I am now available to make YOU funnier. Or funny for the first time.

Yeah, you.

If you have a speech or presentation that needs to be written, rewritten or punched up, if your dream is to have people come up to you afterward wiping their eyes and saying, “I haven’t laughed like that since my competitor was audited,” this is the only stop you need to make.

Here’s a partial list of the folks I’ve written for over the years, from Bill Murray to William Shatner, and more.

Contact me at billscheft@yahoo.com for rates.

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In SHRINK THYSELF, a man decides to leave therapy and live the unexamined life. A noble goal, which would be even more noble if his former therapist (now his friend) didn’t turn out to be beyond inappropriate and his mother didn’t die in a way that would make Freud transfer to dental school.

While you're waiting for Amazon to deliver, please dine out, as I do regularly, on this absolute dream of a blurb from bestselling author and high-functioning anxiety laureate Scott Stossel:

"SHRINK THYSELF is hilarious. In Charlie Traub, the protagonist of this crackling novel, Bill Scheft has created a sad-sack hero with the exuberant narrative verve of a character out of Philip Roth or Saul Bellow (think Portnoy or Herzog). Fresh out of therapy with a psychologist who wants to become his friend, Traub endures a series of darkly comic misadventures--his mother's funeral alone is a small tour de force of humor and plot twisting--that will have you laughing and turning pages so frantically to find out what happens next that you may be surprised to discover, when you reach the end, that you've been moved by a story of remarkable soulfulness, warmth, and redemption.”
- Scott Stossel, editor of The Atlantic magazine and author of the New York Times bestseller MY AGE OF ANXIETY: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind

Still hungry? How about this rave from Foreword Reviews:

"With his sly social observations of this postmillennial world, a talent for nurturing his emotionally hemmed-in protagonist, a soupcon of Jewish angst, and a gift for wordplay -- 'My rate would jump Shylockingly' -- Scheft offers laugh-out-loud commentary on life, love and loneliness."



• A quick list of Who I've Written For, abridged

• Check out Adrianne and my YouTube Channel, THE TOLSCHEFT

• Consider my third novel, EVERYTHING HURTS


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The Truants